FISH WITH LEGS: Pissin' Off The Squares since 1998

My name is Eric. My zine is called FISH WITH LEGS. I also write zine reviews for XEROGRAPHY DEBT (xerographydebt.blogspot.com) My zine is a perzine and people tell me it's funny. I don't think you can be a fair judge of whether your own words are funny or not, but folks tell me it is so I take their word for it. One of the more popular features of my zine is Fun Facts where I devote a few pages each issue to some amusing facts about myself. Actually, they used to be facts. As time went on they evolved to the point where you'd be hard pressed to anything factual in some of them but no one's called me on it yet so I'll keep on calling them "facts." In fact, for you guys reading this I will present to you some of my favorite Fun Facts ever...

I've always wanted a hammock. People on hammocks just appear so happy. I've also always wanted one of those Craftmatic adjustable beds.

I don't floss.

I got a 700 on the verbal portion of my SATs but I only got about a 300 on the math portion so I ended up not doing so great.

I never use the little pee hole in my underwear. I just pull them down. Some people tell me this is perfectly normal and no one uses the pee hole, but other guys tell me this is very weird and that everyone uses the pee hole.

Judge books by their covers. That's why books have covers after all. Obviously you should never judge a person by their personal appearance, but only a moron would do something like that anyways.

If I was going to start a band tomorrow we would call ourselves Redundant Johnny and the Redundantly Redundant Redundants of Redundancy.

My favorite kind of nut is the cashew.

I'd like to be elected to public office. Not to serve the community or anything. It just seems like it'd be a really cool thing to do.

It was several years before I realized that the name of professional wrestler Dusty Rhodes was actually a pun.

It's been a long time since I've rolled down a hill. As I recall I used to enjoy it.

This isn't a Fun Fact, but I just realized that in Fw/L 9 I say that ALL IN THE FAMILY was the best sitcom ever, but in another piece I wrote for another zine I say that CHEERS is the best sitsom ever. How can I reconcile this? I think maybe AitF was the best written and best acted sitcom ever, but I just find CHEERS funnier. Either way, as far as sitcoms go they're 1a and 1b.

By the way, I think I may have to retract my pro-Dane Cook Fun facts I wrote in Fw/L 11. His stand up used to be funny, but his horrible movies have pretty much negated any positive thoughts I may have had about him.