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Zine about my own personal queer invisibility

I was supposed to go to the Bash Back gathering in Chicago this weekend, but my friend had to change her plans when she got a gig to photograph a wedding down South. I decided not to go alone.

Some friends of mine have a lovely loft with huge west facing windows and hundreds of books on shelves lining the walls. They said I could spend the weekend here writing. I've been fortunate enough to make myself my own free, four day writing retreat.

So far I've used the time mostly to work on my new zine about feeling invisible as a queer. It's gone off in a slightly different direction, and I've done a lot of writing about my identity changing from bisexual to queer. Well, I've always felt queer, but I called myself bisexual for more than a decade. Anyway, I've done a lot of writing about why I don't want to identify as bisexual anymore, why I think queer is a better term for me.

The zine includes several of my coming out stories, which I think are pretty funny, as well as the (HOT!) story of how I realized that I'm into sex with (at least some) women. There are also a listing of books on bisexuality that I have read, including my short reviews of them.

I am hoping to finish the writing this morning, do the layout tomorrow evening, make it to the UPS Store to make copies some morning next week.

I'm going to ask $2 for each copy of the zine, and as always, I will take trades.

If you know you want a copy, let me know, and I'll start a list.

Here's an excerpt from the introduction to the zine:

I don’t think I’m recognized as queer, so much as strange. People often don’t know how to categorize me. Because I tend to have longish hair and sometimes wear dresses and lipstick, I’m not read as a dyke. However, I since I’m an overall hairy woman and tend not to behave in stereotypical feminine ways, I’m not seen as straight. With my partner in prison in another state, people can’t use who I’m with to determine what I am.

I’m not straight. I am queer and I do identify as a dyke, although I not as a lesbian. I used to call myself bisexual, but I am pretty much done with that term to describe myself.

I’ve been thinking about my identity a lot lately, the assumptions people make about me based on the way I dress or the job I do or the fact that they don’t see me being romantic or sexual with other people. It seems important to assert who I am and what I believe, which is what I hope to do with this zine.

And here's one of my coming out stories:

Coming out to a woman I had a crush on
Soon after moving to Lawrence, I started hanging out with a lesbian, mostly at her suggestion. She seemed to be flirting with me, and I developed a crush on her. One night we were talking about past relationships, and she told me that she had never “been with” a man. Then she asked me, kind of breathlessly, if I had ever “been with” a man. I sighed inwardly before explaining to her that, yes, I had “been with” a man, that in fact, I had never had a girlfriend. The relationship waned for a variety of reasons, mostly after I confessed my crush and she didn’t like being pursued and not the pursuer.

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Comment by Candace on June 1, 2009 at 7:52pm
I'd be interested in reading this when you finish.

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