a place for zinesters - writers and readers
Look,I know wemakezines is probably the most popular social networking sight right now-everybody knows that.But lately,some fans have been asking really stupid questions-shit like,"Who are you?",or "Whats your problem?",or my personal favorite,"Wheres the money I loaned you?".Well,since a lot of younger,stupider people have never seen my art (As unbelievable as that sounds),its time to introduce them to one of my favorite people-Me.Although I'm usually refered to as The King of Punk,lately some have questioned how a 104 year old can claim that title.Well,my punk rock roots go way back.I actually made up the whole "punk points" system.Woah,now-don't give me all the credit-I came up with it when I was 4,being babysat by none other than Lou Reed.It's true.I don't usually brag about it,but Patti Smith used to come over and hang out,and they would put me in front of the t.v. or sing punk songs to me.Later,when I was 10,I introduced Sid Vicious to Nancy Spungeon-I knew they'd hit it off!Then I'd chill out with the Ramones-at school,because we went to school together.Joey's Mom,Mrs.Lipshitz,hated me!"Choey,vy you want to be a Ramone?A Lipshitz isnt good enough?",she would say.Him and Marky and me used to fight the Ashton brothers (of Stooges fame) down in the Bowery.I was actually born in CBGB's-my mom had the first mohawk then.Later on,I would hang out with Blondie,Tom Verlaine,and Richard Hell,just kickin' it old school style.That was when I was 10.Then,later in the 80's the Beastie Boys stole my idea of going "RAP"-I didnt say anything about it.7 Seconds was only 2 Seconds back then.When I was 11 I got strung out shooting up with David Bowie.I sucked his dick like 50 times.Then,later on,I actually cleaned up,went back to school,and got jumped-by Suicidal Tendencies!Screeching Weasel jumped in and saved my ass-and the teachers let us all have a big show,to relieve the tension!I didn't have a band,so you wont find my name in the music history websites,but believe me,I don't remember a thing!It's been a million safety pins since then,and all the mansions and coke can't slow down a great amazing guy like me from putting out the punkest comics in the USA,Britian,and Eastern Europe!So next time some yo-yo's yakkin' about who's punker than them,tell them to come to my gated community and talk that shit!I won't just steal thier lighter and wallet-I'll steal thier heart with my own amazing history!Fuck.