i spend more of my life at work than not-at-work :(

[crapandemic]

Reading: the 'zines' tag on tumblr and raging about it, cracked.com articles because I'm stuck at work

Listening to: MY OWN THOUGHTS OMG I'M GOING MAD HERE

Drinking: Tazo mango black tea, which tastes...bad.

Pondering: if it'll actually kill me if I jam my head in the printer or if it'll just like maim me and rip my scalp off

Long time no talk, zine world. You're all looking ravishing this evening. I'm sorry I've been absent...between my body trying to explode and kill me and pulling thankless, consecutive 13-hr days (we just passed today's 13 hr mark! only 3-4 more hours to go! woo!) at work, breakups and fights and people dying everywhere, it's been hard to get stuff done. Today I used my precious one hour and sixteen minutes or whatever between waking up and work to do my dishes and clean my kitchen sink. Suffice to say, that shit's sparkly now.

Main project isn't going so well. I have no idea how High School Me used to write fiction like they breathed, because I can't do that shit anymore. Fiction sucks balls. Dialogue sucks balls. I really suck balls at life sometimes.

So I'm taking a break from it for a couple days to kick out (another) mini that's not fiction to clear out my brain-tubes. I'm supposed to go out for coffee with this cute art student from Downriver, but instead I'm laying on the floor behind the counter at work going BLEEEEEEEEEEEEE. BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. BLEEEEEE and trying not to fall asleep because I've been on my feet for so long. But yeah, I'm working on a mini. It started out as a cute WELL LET'S JUST CLEAR THE COBWEBS OUT AND PLAY WITH LAYOUT AND GRAPHICS AND ALL THAT FUN STUFF! and now I'm ass-deep in it and uhhhhh what the fuck am I doing with 300 pieces of clipart for a 12-page zine is all I'm wondering. It's almost ceased to be fun. What is this I don't even.

But yeah. I finally got around to posting Cunning Stunt, which is a mini, and I'm thinking of tabling at Flint Zine Fest but what the hell am I going to do there, I don't have any inventory that's not embarrassing as hell. WHAT EVEN. Somehow, if people think you're a n00b on your own turf, it's much worse than if people in another city think you're a n00b...idk.

Most of the problems I'm having right now come from my persistent sads and the internet, as in, I am sad, and it makes me go on the internet and surf the same 3-4 sites ad nauseum and not do anything like dishes or eating or zines. Yesterday I googled "how to stop the internet from killing your creativity" but that didn't work very well then I fell into a bloghole and ended up watching youtube videos of baby sloths on my phone. Oh, the irony.

How do you balance persistent melancholy and creativity? Am I missing something?

Trying to stay posi.

xo

julia

[Holly berry]

"Lose" my way

[Holly berry]

I love the thought flow. It's like being on a shelf in your brain. My response to the question at the end is this: focus on a specific goal with your next venture/project/zine. My goal for my zine keeps me on track when I start to loose my way or get buried in the blah, I look at my specific goal and it machetes the slothly fat away.

[Betty]

Oh, man...life is totally like that sometimes. And it's weird how many times it ends in baby sloths. When I have days like that, I sometimes pull out my Jay Brannan shirt...

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