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Forging Famous Authors Autographs for Fun and Profit

Making comics and getting them printed was my first attempt to go legit.I was doing alot of side jobs-running paper.As a great artist,I had a marketable skill level;phony i.d.'s and forgery,mostly.I could forge anything.My connect's used to bring me stolen checks,and I could do any signature ever.I really wanted to make engraving plates someday.I made great fake i.d.'s.Painted state seals on with glitter nail polish.I was breaking into storage units and stealing books to sell,and I got a book ok how the F.B,i catches forgers,and studied it for weeks.I got a rep,and people would come from all over with stolen checks for me to do.It's in the way they lift the pen-the pressure points-the flow of thier lettering.This was so successful,I branched out.My friends roomate went to France,and hadn't paid his rent.He left behind all these autographed Stranglers albums that we were going to sell.We sold them all for beacoup bucks,but soon we only had one or two left.Not a problem-I started forging album cover autographs.We sold them to record stores all over.One day,we were in this record store,and they had 8 by 10 glossie photographs of famous movie stars.They were 5 bucks apiece,which I thought was alot.We were digging through them,and I found one of John Candy,who had just died.I was thinking,man,this would be worth alot more if it was autographed.I shoplifted it and immediately went to work.John Belushi was next.Shoplifting books and reselling them was how I made my money back then.I was a struggling artist-I had no job back then.My comic career was practically charity work-in fact,it was losing money,spending cash at Kinkos all the time.So one day,when I was selling books,I heard them talking about how they had caught a forged F.Scott Fitzgerald autographed book that they had paid 85 bucks for,and were all pissed about it."You guys buy signed books?"was my next question.180 bucks they gave me for a signed Salvador Dali book.Nixon's memoirs came next.Nobody ever caught a single one of my forgeries ever.I figured since I was using some of the money to print up my zines,in a way I was helping the community,because if I wasn't able to print them,then people would be forced to read crappy zines.Then it would give punk rock a bad name,and new wave would take over.Then we'd all be brainwashed.and be zombies without even knowing it,playing The Motels and Duran Duran instead of cool hardcore music.Finally,one of the record stores got wise,and caught me and tried to make me feel bad,which I didnt.But it blew my confidence,and with crime,confidence is everything.After that,I could barely forge a gym class note from Mom.Something that smelly hairy record store loser said must have sunk into my drug addled brain.I had to give up my dream of eventually doing engraving plates,and go back to spare changing dressed up as a fake blind person and selling fake acid.Still,I'll never forget those shitty days gone by.Fuck.

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