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excerpt from When The Crash Meets Something Solid issue #005: Things to Embarrass Mother

THE AGONY OF WANTING

 

inside this month of broken skin

and bitten lips

(while some shiver

and i melt)

you make me remember why the sky must grow dark,

why my skin grows cold

as one breath precedes another.

i have learned the difference

between sorrow

and pure motion,

between regret and the agony

of wanting

that snaps every blue flower

and spits ice into the skies.

there is no easy footing,

no pleasant view.

no moment

where the heart

softens, turning whores

into honest women,

and forgiving those silent aching sins.

i remember a street lamp,

a colour

that did not make sense,

how each body found

and claimed the other.

i remember

the taste of your teeth,

a bloody sun sinking fast.

and in the background

(somewhere,

quiet now)

there is a heart

repeating a secret

over and over to itself.

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Tags: Congrave, Gabrielle, addiction, casual sex, heroin, isolation, recovery, sex work, when the crash meets something solid

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